Friday, June 7, 2013


It's been a month full of changes. Our family just moved back overseas from China. Though it was preceded with a long time of wondering if our return was looming, it was a sudden decision. Those around us probably saw the signs clearer than us and knew the time to return to the US was approaching, but it hit us. 

My default mode is caution. I know that sounds terribly uncool. I somewhat envy those that seem to live in the moment, enjoy the little things of life and have dozens of cute, overexposed pictures to show for it... I'm not that kind of blogger. I'm content most of the time, but I take a while to soak it in. And I'm constantly trying to guard my heart. And so, during this time I've been watching, cautioning myself, "don't jump in too quickly to the American life, remember you have a lot of processing to do," but that collides with my long frustration, "when am I going to feel normal?!" 

But. I've never been normal. I've never quite fit in. My high school drama teacher was right, I'm "16 going on 40," trying to grapple much more than my age or flesh permits. I'm not that peppy girl in the picture on the Great Wall. I'm as unique as my name, an amaryllis flower... spelled in Spanish (amarilis) but with an odd twist since the nurse at the hospital was sure it was spelled with a "y" at the end.

And isn't that a picture my life? Yep, I'm in the business of making odd twists my own. 

"Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it" ~Eckhardt Tolle

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