Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Strengthen My Shoulders

Strengthen My Shoulders
I told myself I wouldn't blog today. Of all of the things on my to-do list, it seemed of the least consequential... just something I felt the itch for as I'm noticing is my habitual itch comes around Tuesdays, Thursdays and sometimes Saturdays. But I had to because as I lay in bed praying, thinking, drawing pictures in my mind, and then praying again, this blog I had planned became part of my devotional for the night. 

I've been thinking about how to "better organize my life" a lot lately.As odd as it feels to type it, it's the true way to describe it. I tend to do this. I wonder about my schedules and priorities, how my time serves them, how I feel the need to be better connected in this new city and yet how I love being well-connected with my husband and son. I fret about how our life will change with the second little one. I dream about what exactly I'd like to see happen with my work. I question my motives behind those dreams. I shoot back towards practicality. I re-visit my to-do list. And again I wonder how well my to-do list, heart, priorities, and time match up. Repeat.

In all of this I pray that God would settle my life here and show me the way towards some ideal.

He hasn't. At least not suddenly.

Wait. What if this amorphous lifestyle is it; what if I stop seeking the next thing. Am I content with that? And as always--this should be predictable by now--I realize that the core of the game is not how to have "my best life now" (or even how to build towards it), but rather how to carry my current joys and burdens well. Now

And we shoot back to the watercolor devo I had planned to post: a plea for the Lord to strengthen my shoulders. In this world where how you dress is seen as so representative of how much you bear on them--"the better dressed, the less baggage you must have" being the assumption--I need a dressing that  is true and can only come from God. 

Strengthen my shoulders so that I don't have to fake it. Strengthen my shoulders so that I can carry God-sized burdens. Strengthen my shoulders so that others may see You in me and not my own strength. Make me strong. Make me beautiful. Make me a rare breed of the unraveled natural adorned in the perfectly supernatural. I am only able to muster up a sheen cover-up for my frailty; You've got the real, raw thing that boldly melts away the make-up. Strengthen my shoulders for whatever is ahead.

That is my prayer.