Friday, March 14, 2014

Less Worrying, More Going

Alright, fine, I'll admit it. I'm worried. 

As if you didn't know that.

The extension deadline on our adoption is approaching quickly, and what's worse is that the deadline is not for when I send our paperwork, but rather for when they touch it. I have no control over that and it may not be within my timeframe. 

I fear losing our match with little Silas. 

I fear dropping the ball.

I fear something going terribly wrong. 

Over a detail.

That's what's so difficult for me through this part of the process. Our worthiness to be this orphan's parents is not the question, nor is his adoptibility, nor any other issue I can think of that would make one wonder if this adoption is a good idea or not. What can raise itself to stand in the way is an incorrect date, a signature that's not quite phrased correctly or whether the person who needs to touch our paperwork thinks we earn (way more than) enough. To me they're simple details and minor challenges, inconsequential when we are weighing a life's course. Our lives' course. 

But things must be done right and the fact is that some haven't been done right. And much of the blame falls on my ignorance or oversight… whatever part of me that can't fathom the importance of the very things I stated above, the part of me that hates processing paperwork. 

It's the sixty pages of Times New Roman and clip art call-outs that my eyes glaze over looking at. Everything in that dossier guide is important, and yet it all blurs together and bores me to tears. I really should have paid to have this done for me. My "can-do attitude" has been at odds with my "what the...?! attitude." And their fights have provided much more noise than saving a grand and a half is worth.

So, I'm up late… worrying. We've got one more paper yet that needs to come from China. [This is only needed because we lived there.] We need it here, like, tomorrow. Some other papers have found their way back to Chicago (consulate). They ALL need to be in Colorado (adoption agency). No, scratch that. They ALL need to be in Beijing… even if they're just sitting there for their predicted 2-3 week wait… in order to assure we won't lose our match by April 18. 

The agency has told us that we can't extend our extension, but that they haven't seen anyone lose their match over it. So there's that. 

This is what I'm telling myself: keep going. He is sovereign. 

And pray like crazy.