"They should be halfway to China by now," some may say. But that statement is a sad satire of my feelings at this time.
You know, it's not as if I walk around moping about our long await for a boy we've only met through a photo--a photo you'll find in several places in our house. Most days I'm my usual comsi comsa. It's those quiet nights after sinking into the quiet of the house when they hit me... that little boy I saw today that should be around his age, that conversation with a friend where I casually responded that we're "waiting for our letter of acceptance," or that rice cooker I considered buying as part of my nesting. And yet I'm not sure when it's time to nest.
I paint things like these. It's full of where I thought we'd be right now. I thought we'd be correlating sleeping patterns or at least eating ramen in an airport. I thought we'd be sipping green tea.
I thought all four of us would be together for big brother's fourth birthday coming up soon. (But then again I had hoped to be together for Christmas or New Years or... okay, Chinese New Year... or his birthday in February...) Add another special occasion to the pre-Gotcha Day list.
Most of all, I thought I'd be holding him by now. But I am still staring at a picture from November. And praying the same prayers for him as I did a year ago; I know nothing new about him or his developing personality, what he needs interceding for or those special attributes that call us to praise God for.
Holding. It's kind of a big deal. I hold and kiss my son throughout the day. "Like... TWENTY-FIVE TIMES!" he told me last night.
I have so, so much catching up to do with my coming son.
PS- I want to thank a family who gave to our fund generously. The good news of our acceptance arriving will be coupled with our next bill for $3,010. So thank you so very much!
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