Friday, October 24, 2014

So Much Progress {Adoption}

I've seen so much progress since we finalized our international adoption with our son. It's been six weeks now since that gotcha day in China. Our adopted son is learning to get along.
You know when you're making progress? When you hardly notice it. When it feels normal. When you stop thinking about it. Or better said, when you notice you're not trying anymore. 

We had friends over tonight. It was their first time hanging out with us as a family of four. And you know what crazy thing happened?! Nothing. 

I was reflecting back on the night and realized that I hardly held Silas, that I honestly didn't pay that much attention to him. He was the subject of the majority of our conversation--by far--but I don't remember seeing him too much. I held him towards the end of the night as we said our goodbyes and the feeling of having him in my arms made me realize that I hadn't done that all evening. 

And it was okay!

He was busy playing with (or often playing alongside) his older brother and his older friends. He was happy! Nothing ecstatic, just comfortable. I didn't coddle him. I didn't worry about him {too much}. It was just a regular night with good friends. You know... filling plastic cups, dicing up chicken, peeking to see who closed their eyes for the prayer, bouncing between conversations... then filling the dishwasher and having a makeshift desert before everyone has to scoot to their respective bedtime routines. 

I was looking over a recent post I did over on my Facebook page with the image above. It read, 
A love explosion! It's been a rough week, y'all. Everyone in this house has been hurting for one reason or another, and momma hen feels it all. What is truly wonderful, though, is that the love is SO there. That's what matters. God is love. And there is incredible power in admitting our ridiculous depth of weakness and crumbling in His arms.

Let me expound on that.

Our weeks in China with Silas were mostly about discovery--discovering who he is and how we can interact with him and make him feel loved. Our last week there of visits with friends was a great practice round or buffer to life here in the States.

But coming home was altogether different.

While this mommy loved seeing the culmination of her hopes and visions of bunk beds and mealtimes and seeing this little one walk around his new home, this American life was a jolt to said little one.

{These are my assumed interpretations of his behavior. I'm guessing he felt...} It was quiet. He'd squeal at the sight of life in the backyard. And whenever I offered to go outside, he'd totally take me up on that. I'm sure he was tired of the foreign food, the foreign language, the constant new. In general, Silas loves new things, he's two. But everyone has their limit.

He had a fever on and off. He had a cough that would wake him up. He got a rash that migrated to new spots after each nap. It was suddenly cold and he was adjusting to an eleven hour time difference.

That's a lot to take in. Oh, and this new little set-up is forever. And PS, you're helpless to change that.

Of course our home is a wonderful home to be a part of {if I do say so myself} but can you imagine what he's gone through?

So what did he do? He lashed out. Not against me or his dad... nah, he needs our favor to get anything good... He lashed out against his brother. His brother he had to share toys with and sit next to and endure constant hugs and touching from. He hit him, called him stupid, bit him (or tried to), kicked, pushed, pulled ears... you name it. 

THAT was the rough week. 

And I'm happy to say that after many corrections, frustrated days, questioning what lay ahead, I've seen a full turnaround over the course of this full week. I took great comfort in reaching out to adoptive moms via Facebook that had been there and told me their initial nightmarish days. But they've passed, and I could hope. 

Thank God for hope, for surprise turnarounds, for our human ability to grow and adapt and love. 

Keep loving, 

Other posts you may like: Three Weeks In China | Surprises | His First "All About Me" Book